Today was Independence Day. My Independence Day!

I type this with tongue firmly in cheek. Lois, my just turned 3 year old, returned to nursery after 105 days in my company. My first blog post spoke about the positives of this quarantine time, which I know there are many. But, it has also been tough. A small apartment with an energetic and sociable 3 year old has had its fair share of challenges. I won’t bore you with the details… but think murderous screaming, food throwing, occasional punches (from her… although I wanted to back), door slamming and ‘I’m hungry, but I want sumfin else’ being spoken at me on repeat. Fun times!

Today, though, we have both had space. From each other. She excitedly packed her bag, brushed teeth, got dressed and shouted ‘Daddy faster’ in her bid to get out the door and to nursery. She was ready. As was I. We’re both pretty independent, so this day has felt momentous. Her, from the word go. Me, an acquired quality throughout my life. Whether you’re born with it, or whether you find it, it doesn’t matter. To have it is a bit of a superpower. 

As parents we will be paying the way for our kids for a long time. And, if I am honest, my mum and dad have financially contributed to my life way beyond the point they should have in my adult years. But, without their help early on, I guess I wouldn’t have the financial independence that I have now. I am very lucky. I know that. But I was keen to have this type of independence early on. At 15 I got my first job. Waitressing. It was fun. It was mine. It brought me a little brown envelope stuffed with notes each week, allowing me to buy some dreadful 90s clothes and go to dreadful 90s clubs. I wouldn’t change a thing… apart from some dodgy hair styles. I liked how having my own money made me feel. The freedom and the sense of accomplishment it gave me. I liked saving it too. And this has continued throughout life. I am in a different situation now. More financially dependent on Nick, given our life choice to be in Barcelona and have kids. But I am comfortable with that choice, knowing that I am financially independent in other aspects of my life… even if I need the joint account to buy my lunch. 

But then there is personal independence. The ability to do things on your own is hugely valuable. If you want to try or experience something, and are the only one willing to, then you should do it anyway. Don’t be held back by others not wanting to follow your path. My friend Sara had planned take a year out after Uni with a friend. A big trip. A brave trip. And, together, it made the adventure less scary. Her mate bailed. Sara could have too, but she refused to let this affect her plans. Flashing her independence card she upped and went around the world, mostly alone, doing what she wanted, when she wanted, without waiting for, or needing the permission from anyone else. 

Then we have relationship independence. In life, at some time or another we find ourselves as one half of a couple. If you found a good half, it’s fabulous. And because it’s fabulous it can be easy to become just you two… all of the time. Never. Let. That. Happen. Friendships and interests outside of one another are hugely important. Not all relationships last, but the stuff outside of that can. 

And finally we have emotional independence. To be able to make personal decisions and life choices without dragging other people into the debate is hard to do. Social support is of course hugely important but sometimes to have the confidence to self decide is wonderfully liberating. I mean, this blog came from nothing more than a debate in my own head. 

But a bit of dependence does have some value. When we moved to Barcelona, we had no friends, I had no job, we had to navigate the local systems, and we were yet to learn and appreciate the Spanish way of life. We needed each other more than ever. In every aspect of our lives. The dependence was comforting and reassuring in a period unfamiliarity.

So girls… you are the queens of your own world. Independence will help you create that world. May be you are already an independent person. May be you will need to go in pursuit of it. But get it and keep it. It is definitely one of the key things to happiness. I can confidently say this while typing away at a little cafe by the beach; feeling truly the most energised I have felt in weeks. My independence today has definitely resulted in a burst of happiness. Now, where is that tenner Nick gave me this morning!?! I need to pay.

Logging and blogging snippets of life advice for my girls on Instagram @deargirls.byzoe.