The importance of friendship has been whirring around my head the past couple of weeks. The mere topic of it in recent conversations. And also, I’ve witnessed the real need for it. In fact, the whole lockdown period has shown how important friendship is to my survival within our four walls. The Zoom calls, the WhatsApp messages, the check-ins and, sometimes, almost check-outs. Friendship, while merely virtually, has given us all the relief desperately needed in this time of dire monotony. 

But backtrack to 8 years ago, when I first moved to Barcelona, I was reluctantly forced to start a shiny brand new friendship journey. Finding people. Finding people that you want to hang out with. Finding people that you want to hang out with and that also want to hang out with you. It’s the platonic version of dating. It’s tough. And, throwing in different languages and cultures can make the whole process a tad more difficult. And in this time I can name only a handful of girls that I’ve clicked with, and who are still in my life, even though some have moved on. When I think of the amount of people I’ve ‘friend dated’, I can assure you that it’s the tip of the iceberg.

But, since I have had kids it’s been easier. Hurrah. And since I’ve had my second, I have luckily managed to tap into a group of mamas, in my new hood, who are all lovely women. And this friendship, during the time of motherhood, and particularly motherhood in lockdown abroad, has proved pretty special. It’s lucky we came together, and clicked. But then, I realised, it’s more than simply luck. It took a stalking message to one of the girls. To then connecting with another. To a couple of other mums finding their way to me. To me starting a WhatApp group. To arranging a weekly coffee date. To us all chatting, sharing and contributing to this friendship. It didn’t just happen. We have all had to pay into this friendship bank. And lucky for us we’re getting a lot back. 

But I have an amazing friend bank at home too. Long term, best friends, who are so important in my life. Just because I am not in the same country, it doesn’t mean they aren’t ever present in my life. We call. We message. They fly out. I fly back. We plan days out. We plan trips away. But, again, none of these things would happen if we didn’t make time for each other.

But then there is the shit stuff. The stuff that goes on in our lives that causes heartache. Heartbreak. Sheer devastation. Friends are there for all of it. They will pick up the pieces without question. It’s these moments where friendship shows its real worth. How we would survive these times without friendship is genuinely hard for me to imagine. 

I am lucky. I have friends in my life from school and university. From work and living abroad. I have friends from home. Friends from elsewhere. I have a friend who is 13. And I have a friend who is 78. And, while I am lucky to have these wonderful people in my life, I also know that I have invested in these friendships, which is why they are there to laugh with me or, if needed, cry with me.  

Friendship takes work. But, because it’s friendship, it’s definitely not work of the hard kind. It’s the best type of work, that I will forever invest in… and the type of work that I hope may girls will invest in too. 

Logging and blogging snippets of life advice for my girls on Instagram @deargirls.byzoe.