I escaped. I escaped the heat of Spain in August. I escaped tighter lockdown measures. I escaped our small apartment. And I escaped just before the airbridge was lifted and Spain was back on the quarantine list. Hurrah! It’s fair to say that I couldn’t be happier right now. Sharing responsibility of the kids between us and the grandparents has been like a massive weight lifted. And seeing how happy Lois is being in the company of the grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins is really heartwarming. Why are we in Spain again?

Oh yes… it’s where my husband’s work is right now. It’s where the sun shines almost all year. It’s where the beach is a 10 minute walk away. It’s where a beer is under €2. It’s where we live an outdoor life. And it’s where, I think, we probably live a healthier life. 

Coming back to the UK, and looking around, it seems that everyone is more unhealthy in my homeland, especially when making a comparison to Spain. OK, so lockdown has probably added a few centimetres to peoples’ waistlines. Ours too. But surely lockdown can’t be fully to blame?

We all come in different shapes and sizes, of course. This is the beauty of the world. I posted to my Insta grid a while back about how we must embrace difference. Opinions. Skin colour. Educational backgrounds. Sexuality. Life choices. Body shape. It’s all part of the wonder of life. But this blog post is about health… so, ultimately, the body, our body. I am not talking the different body shapes of slim, curvy, tall, etc. I am talking about the body as a whole, what we do to it and how we treat it. And going about my life here in the UK over the last few weeks, it is quite evident that a lot of people aren’t treating their bodies that well. 

Now, I am no saint. I have times when I don’t move as much as I should. I also eat things that aren’t good for me. I drink coffee. I drink alcohol. But, I do it all in moderation and recognise when I haven’t moved enough and haven’t eaten particularly well. I feel it and feel strongly that I want to reverse the feeling it has on my skin, my weight, my overall wellbeing. Having this body barometer is so important in knowing when too much of the good stuff is, in fact, too much. I have the barometer. Girls, I hope you will too. 

But, more than that, and with my help in your early years, I want you to adopt healthy habits so that barometer isn’t relied upon. I want you to eat well and move, but without having to really think too much about it. I want it to be cemented in your lifestyle… so it feels odd when you slip out of those habits. How you treat your one and only body in the first part of your life will play a significant part in your long term health and, I believe, your self-esteem and confidence.

But how? 

Walk. Make walking your first choice in getting anywhere. It is the simplest way to boost your mood and health.
Sport. Find something you enjoy moving about for. And, even better if it’s something you can do with others. It’s way more fun this way… and will feel effortless.
Meal plan. By planning how you will eat during the week, it will avoid moments of ‘we have nothing in the fridge, let’s order in or eat out’. Anything not cooked by you, will probably be less healthy.
Love colour. Eat the colourful stuff… fruit and vegetables. Make them a staple in your cooking and snacking.
Indulge. You will always eat bad stuff. It’s delicious. You will probably drink alcohol, tea and coffee. Enjoy those things. I do! But, it’s recognising your limits. Engage the barometer.

It’s simple girls… just move and eat well. You won’t be have the superpowers of invisibility. telepathy, super human strength, or the ability to fly. But the kinder you are to your body during your lives then the longer and healthier your lives will likely be. This is the real superpower. Now, I best take my own advice given I have now been in the UK for 3 weeks and consumed my body weight in Yorkshire tea, crumpets, Soreen, bacon and my mum’s roast potatoes. Seems I have not adopted the ‘everything in moderation’ mantra. Today’s note to self: go for a walk! Tomorrow’s note to self: go for another walk!

Logging and blogging snippets of life advice for my girls on Instagram @deargirls.byzoe.

Today was Independence Day. My Independence Day!

I type this with tongue firmly in cheek. Lois, my just turned 3 year old, returned to nursery after 105 days in my company. My first blog post spoke about the positives of this quarantine time, which I know there are many. But, it has also been tough. A small apartment with an energetic and sociable 3 year old has had its fair share of challenges. I won’t bore you with the details… but think murderous screaming, food throwing, occasional punches (from her… although I wanted to back), door slamming and ‘I’m hungry, but I want sumfin else’ being spoken at me on repeat. Fun times!

Today, though, we have both had space. From each other. She excitedly packed her bag, brushed teeth, got dressed and shouted ‘Daddy faster’ in her bid to get out the door and to nursery. She was ready. As was I. We’re both pretty independent, so this day has felt momentous. Her, from the word go. Me, an acquired quality throughout my life. Whether you’re born with it, or whether you find it, it doesn’t matter. To have it is a bit of a superpower. 

As parents we will be paying the way for our kids for a long time. And, if I am honest, my mum and dad have financially contributed to my life way beyond the point they should have in my adult years. But, without their help early on, I guess I wouldn’t have the financial independence that I have now. I am very lucky. I know that. But I was keen to have this type of independence early on. At 15 I got my first job. Waitressing. It was fun. It was mine. It brought me a little brown envelope stuffed with notes each week, allowing me to buy some dreadful 90s clothes and go to dreadful 90s clubs. I wouldn’t change a thing… apart from some dodgy hair styles. I liked how having my own money made me feel. The freedom and the sense of accomplishment it gave me. I liked saving it too. And this has continued throughout life. I am in a different situation now. More financially dependent on Nick, given our life choice to be in Barcelona and have kids. But I am comfortable with that choice, knowing that I am financially independent in other aspects of my life… even if I need the joint account to buy my lunch. 

But then there is personal independence. The ability to do things on your own is hugely valuable. If you want to try or experience something, and are the only one willing to, then you should do it anyway. Don’t be held back by others not wanting to follow your path. My friend Sara had planned take a year out after Uni with a friend. A big trip. A brave trip. And, together, it made the adventure less scary. Her mate bailed. Sara could have too, but she refused to let this affect her plans. Flashing her independence card she upped and went around the world, mostly alone, doing what she wanted, when she wanted, without waiting for, or needing the permission from anyone else. 

Then we have relationship independence. In life, at some time or another we find ourselves as one half of a couple. If you found a good half, it’s fabulous. And because it’s fabulous it can be easy to become just you two… all of the time. Never. Let. That. Happen. Friendships and interests outside of one another are hugely important. Not all relationships last, but the stuff outside of that can. 

And finally we have emotional independence. To be able to make personal decisions and life choices without dragging other people into the debate is hard to do. Social support is of course hugely important but sometimes to have the confidence to self decide is wonderfully liberating. I mean, this blog came from nothing more than a debate in my own head. 

But a bit of dependence does have some value. When we moved to Barcelona, we had no friends, I had no job, we had to navigate the local systems, and we were yet to learn and appreciate the Spanish way of life. We needed each other more than ever. In every aspect of our lives. The dependence was comforting and reassuring in a period unfamiliarity.

So girls… you are the queens of your own world. Independence will help you create that world. May be you are already an independent person. May be you will need to go in pursuit of it. But get it and keep it. It is definitely one of the key things to happiness. I can confidently say this while typing away at a little cafe by the beach; feeling truly the most energised I have felt in weeks. My independence today has definitely resulted in a burst of happiness. Now, where is that tenner Nick gave me this morning!?! I need to pay.

Logging and blogging snippets of life advice for my girls on Instagram @deargirls.byzoe.

The importance of friendship has been whirring around my head the past couple of weeks. The mere topic of it in recent conversations. And also, I’ve witnessed the real need for it. In fact, the whole lockdown period has shown how important friendship is to my survival within our four walls. The Zoom calls, the WhatsApp messages, the check-ins and, sometimes, almost check-outs. Friendship, while merely virtually, has given us all the relief desperately needed in this time of dire monotony. 

But backtrack to 8 years ago, when I first moved to Barcelona, I was reluctantly forced to start a shiny brand new friendship journey. Finding people. Finding people that you want to hang out with. Finding people that you want to hang out with and that also want to hang out with you. It’s the platonic version of dating. It’s tough. And, throwing in different languages and cultures can make the whole process a tad more difficult. And in this time I can name only a handful of girls that I’ve clicked with, and who are still in my life, even though some have moved on. When I think of the amount of people I’ve ‘friend dated’, I can assure you that it’s the tip of the iceberg.

But, since I have had kids it’s been easier. Hurrah. And since I’ve had my second, I have luckily managed to tap into a group of mamas, in my new hood, who are all lovely women. And this friendship, during the time of motherhood, and particularly motherhood in lockdown abroad, has proved pretty special. It’s lucky we came together, and clicked. But then, I realised, it’s more than simply luck. It took a stalking message to one of the girls. To then connecting with another. To a couple of other mums finding their way to me. To me starting a WhatApp group. To arranging a weekly coffee date. To us all chatting, sharing and contributing to this friendship. It didn’t just happen. We have all had to pay into this friendship bank. And lucky for us we’re getting a lot back. 

But I have an amazing friend bank at home too. Long term, best friends, who are so important in my life. Just because I am not in the same country, it doesn’t mean they aren’t ever present in my life. We call. We message. They fly out. I fly back. We plan days out. We plan trips away. But, again, none of these things would happen if we didn’t make time for each other.

But then there is the shit stuff. The stuff that goes on in our lives that causes heartache. Heartbreak. Sheer devastation. Friends are there for all of it. They will pick up the pieces without question. It’s these moments where friendship shows its real worth. How we would survive these times without friendship is genuinely hard for me to imagine. 

I am lucky. I have friends in my life from school and university. From work and living abroad. I have friends from home. Friends from elsewhere. I have a friend who is 13. And I have a friend who is 78. And, while I am lucky to have these wonderful people in my life, I also know that I have invested in these friendships, which is why they are there to laugh with me or, if needed, cry with me.  

Friendship takes work. But, because it’s friendship, it’s definitely not work of the hard kind. It’s the best type of work, that I will forever invest in… and the type of work that I hope may girls will invest in too. 

Logging and blogging snippets of life advice for my girls on Instagram @deargirls.byzoe.

Every day is a new challenge. It’s the lockdown reality for all of us. I am no different. 

My challenge, is that I have an almost 3 year old. With this, I am having to come up with ideas on how to keep her entertained for at least 20 minutes as, after that, her mind starts wandering onto something else. And given the day is 720 minutes long, I have a lot of activities to muddle through.

Monday morning, Mr Potato was dusted off. Well, Mr Potato and his friend, who successfully managed to keep Lois entertained for a good stint of time. I’ll take that win.

While pulling them apart, with body parts and accessories scattered all over the sofa, it got me thinking. Here we have all the pieces to make a pretty good Mr Potato. This was providing Lois managed to adequately distinguish the nose hole from the ear hole. Yet, what Mr Potato actually looked like was all her making. Will she use the little nose, or the big nose. The trainers, or the shoes. Put glasses on, or leave them off. She had to decide. She had to choose. It’s the same in life. And, for Lois, she is lucky enough to have positive choices.

My husband, Nick, comes from a supportive and happy family. And I am lucky to come from the same. So, Nick and I have made our way through the first 40 years of our life with all the necessary tools to survive and, essentially, thrive. We are fortunate. I truly recognise that, and am grateful for it too. We’ve studied. We’ve worked in what we hoped. We’ve had emotional and practical support. We’ve travelled. We’ve managed to get on the property ladder… and even managed to take a few steps up it. And, with our new little family, I hope we will continue in the same vain. I’m not saying this is the blueprint. I’m just saying that it’s a pretty good start for Lois. Mr Potato has all the parts. Lois has all the parts. But what she does with them all is up to her. Will she put them in the right holes and make a good Mr Potato? Or, not? What will her Mr Potato, her life, look like?

To have choice in life is amazing. All those kids brought into the world in poverty, war, abuse… they have less positive choice or opportunity. It’s not their fault. May be they will get a teacher that believes in them, a stroke of financial luck, a mentor or another way out. But Lois, and now Thea, will have good and positive choices available to them… for now. Opportunity is very present. I am not saying this because I want them to be lawyers or doctors. I’m saying that if they wanted to study or train, we can support them to do that. If they want to travel, we can support them to do that. If they want live abroad or start a business we can support them to do that. And it’s not just about what they decide to do but how they do it, and who they want to be. It’s up to them.

As I am thinking about this, while constructing my Mr Potato, Lois decides to shove her Mr Potato’s eyes into his bottom. I am unsure if it was intentional, to be funny, or if she had just got it wrong. There is always that. While she has a lot of the parts to make good choices, there will always be some wrong ones along the way. That’s ok too. I just hope the girls do their best to learn from those mistakes. “Now Lois, is that where you think the eyes should go? Up Mr Potatoes bottom? May be try again.” 

Logging and blogging snippets of life advice for my girls on Instagram @deargirls.byzoe.

I’m living this lovely lockdown in Barcelona. In a small apartment. With the only outdoor space being a little balcony. Damn, I wish we’d made it nice when we renovated the rest of the apartment last year. ‘We never use it’, he said.

Everyone has their challenges right now, so we are far from unique. But, in Spain, kids have not been allowed outside until a few days ago. So, until recently, my 2 year old and 2 month old had not been properly outside for more than 42 days. The length of the British school holidays.

Sat on my messy balcony the other weekend, getting as much Vitamin D as humanly possible before the sun passed, in a space stuffed with bikes, recycling and cleaning stuff, I was dreaming about what to do with our little, and now very needed, outside space. Flicking though ‘balcony decor ideas’ on Pinterest, it seemed acquiring some plants and flowers would be key. Sadly, I have neither right now. And I have no way of getting pots, compost or even seeds.

But, while sat on that messy balcony, thinking about the seeds I didn’t have, I actually realised that I was planting some other, more important, seeds. Some lifestyle seeds, you could say. We, like many others, have had to make some changes to the our lives. I genuinely hope we’ll continue these after some kind normality resumes.

I now do a little yoga everyday. It was something I always wanted to do, seeing inspiring Instagram posts of people doing yoga at sunrise. I’m not doing that, of course. But I am finding 10 minutes at the end of each day to stretch out my body. It feels good. I hope to continue this.

I bake. I have never baked. But now I have given a few cakes a go, and they have turned out okay. Banana bread, of course… the lockdown baking staple. May I continue this rather than buy shop bought.

I meal plan. This has been on my to do list for ever. Decide what you want to cook each week. So, decide what you are going to buy. Simple. Before lockdown, it was just too easy to decide meals in the moment. Eating in or eating out. What did we fancy. What we could be bothered to prepare. And so, way more waste. I am so ashamed of what food I used to throw away. No more.

I’ve actually properly played with my 2 year old during this time. Like ‘role-play’ play. Before, we would go to the park, to the beach or the playground for entertainment. At home, after nursery, she would watch a bit of TV or play alone, while I got on with stuff. I never had time to go on adventures with Peppa, fly to space, have a tea party, or be the tickle monster. Now yes. I must make more time for this in the future.

No shopping. Not even internet purchases. So, no unnecessary crap has entered my house between March 15th and now. In fact, we’ve even streamlined what we do have due to a 6 week long and slow sort out. It will feel so good when I can finally take the contents of our spare room to be dumped, recycled, sold or given away.

So, that’s it. My few little lifestyle seeds. I hope I nurture these seeds. Water them. Give them enough sun. Talk to them. Make sure they stay alive. But sadly, I think, as the world returns to some normality in the coming months I may forget, and possibly return to my old ways. I hope not. Although, I did kill the last balcony plants I potted, so there is every chance it will happen again.

One thing’s for sure… being in a lockdown has given most of us a lot of thinking time. I’ve had this personal project in my head for a while now and been thinking a bit about it over the last few weeks. Time to stop the thinking and instead put those thoughts into motion.

This idea may evolve but, for now, expect to see titbits of life advice. Some fun, some more serious. Some from me, some from others. The audience is for anyone interested but ultimately this will be little life lessons for my two girls, as they go from girls to grownups.

Follow blogged stuff here and logged stuff on Instagram @deargirls.byzoe.